Untitled.
My hands out to the seasons I've lost some things I believed in like loving, living and leaving.. and pleading for God to bless me I'm stressing and second guessing on rhyming "Cali" with "reason" and understanding my truth that I might be here for a reason; thank God for the gold that kept me and all the lovers that left me and teams that just called to cut me and folks that said I was lucky and 'friends' who followed with favour when deacons said "tell your neighbor" I yelled and screamed at my savior to save me.. or some how savour the fruits I had overplanted from urgency in my labor, like "fuck". Had plenty nights when I thought I'd rather be dead….
Could probably swim if you saw the tears that I shed. Lucky the life-raft reached me instead, but tell me.
How many times I gotta reach for you when you won't reach for more.
How many times I gotta sail away to show you that I'm shore.
How many times I gotta knock for you to even see the door.
How many stories can I share for you to understand I'm gldn.
Parables that I've chosen through journeyed stories of wealth or my minor lessons of self in my image, and imperfections for dissonance in my vision and currency in my spirit I spilled and I leaked through 'isms' and allegories worth more than gold.
For all the stories foretold…
From all the things in my soul when I wasn't vulnerable.
From when my lover said "no". and times I prayed on the floor.
Or when the songs that I love from Lauryn can't heal me no more…
It's either leave or I grow.
Fight the current or flow.
Prognostication; when me & Rodgerick got robbed and I wanted retaliation. From looking 'round for that white Dodge; gun in lap, contemplating to vivid manifestations years later through God's embracing.
Skin as black as PlayStations, my worth in the soul He gift me, but lately I'd feel so empty and honestly I'm impatient, I call Him and get the dial tone. Letting go of my bullshit. Bury me in a pulpit (my ugly had passed away), now I'm iridescent from gray sharing lessons w/ all my nxggas, but somehow I'm still here pacing; just tell Him that I've been patient, I know that He hears me knocking....
Is it my own blessings I'm blocking?